Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
