you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
