just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
