fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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