It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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