remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
