Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
