i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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