That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
