I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
