your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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