Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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