This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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