the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
