these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize