brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can you repeat that, but with context?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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