but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
