He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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