I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
