The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
