Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
