i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my shit smells like andre
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize