The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
