4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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