Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
