best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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