How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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