lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
