If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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