It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize