im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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