Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize