hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize