The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
