He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
