you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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