U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
