upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize