if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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