Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
