It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
