Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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