bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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