I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
