So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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