my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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