My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
