Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
