I accidentally burped into my bong.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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