Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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