I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
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