I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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