check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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