i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize