I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
