she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
