I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
