Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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