saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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