Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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