Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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