is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
