I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Randomize
