He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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